


Doomed

by thecolorofstars



Series: Welcome to the Wonderful World of Roleplaying [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Doomed Timelines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-20
Updated: 2012-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-03 23:23:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/387128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecolorofstars/pseuds/thecolorofstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you realize that you aren't quite as alpha as you thought?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After the Battle

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an msparp roleplay. Beta'd by Nadiya.

Dave, you don't understand how this feels. I'm sorry, but you don't and you won't. Nobody will anymore, nobody except for Jade. Hey, I bet you didn't know that Jade's my sister. Rose is yours, so you better be nice to her. She cares about us all, even if she shows it weirdly. At one point, she was willing to lay down her life to save all of ours. Your bro did that too, he got himself a sword through the chest just to protect Davesprite. After all, any version of you is you.

I'm sorry for not being more happy, I should be filling up just as many pages as he did with excited chatter. For some reason, it's just a lot harder than it should be. At first I was happy, so happy that I could explode. That's how you feel when your best friend, the one you'd like to try being more with, tells you that he's moving to your town. It isn't my town. Now I can't look away from my Dave. Any version of you is you, but he was mine. You understand. I might be John Egbert, but I'm not your John Egbert and I never will be.

Davesprite tried to explain this to me a long time ago. He told me that he was happy to be my friend and that he would always be my friend. After that he told me that while we would always be friends, I'd never be his John. I was Alpha Dave's John. Except he wasn't the Alpha Dave, he was the doomed Dave and now they're both dead Daves. So the story goes, I guess.

Doesn't that make me the doomed John? Because I'm God Tier and I can't die unless it's just or heroic, but I missed my chance to be a hero. I threw away that chance for you, all because you told me to make it through. Now I'm dealing with the consequences. Their blood, this sense of dread, my leg. Oh god my leg, it hurts. I wish I could alchmize some crutches or something, but I can't. There's no working machinery anymore; it's almost like it anticipated the end.

I should be dead.

Oh god what have I done.

I'm so sorry.


	2. This Isn't a Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second short emotions outlet from the same lovely msparp roleplay. Perhaps someday I'll write scenes from it instead of these little tiny emotional ficlets.

Tell me now, what kind of life is this? I’m hiding in my own body, disguised as someone that I used to be but never actually became. This isn’t my place, I don’t belong here in the hallways of this school. I belong with the trolls, with my Daves, with my Rose, slumped against the wall with blood rushing out of my gashes. At the very least I belong with my Jade, crushed by a car that just couldn’t stop in time. Instead I’m playing a game that is so much harder than Sburb was. In there at least I was someone, I was the Heir of Breath and I was the friend-leader. All that I am now is some kid who never got a chance to live three years of his life who has to stumble into the second half of his Sophomore year on crutches. Literally. Technically it’s not even my Sophomore year and none of them let me forget it. Rose refuses to talk with me, she just closes the chat on the second line every time. Jade always goes offline whenever I go on and I doubt that it’s just a coincidence. I’m just sitting in classes with my stupid compound fracture stuck into a cast and absolutely no idea what’s going on. I can just say that I hit my head if worse comes to worse, the memory loss part of it should check in just fine, but I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want any of this.

Dave is the easiest to be around, surprisingly. That’s saying something terrible too because all of our conversations are so impossible that they’re more like awkward silences broken up with words. He’s even harder to get now than he was before, I can’t make any sense of him. I know that he loved John, his John, the real John. It must have been horrible losing him, I can can tell in his voice sometimes that he misses him. Just because there’s still a John here doesn’t mean that it’s the John that he wants. He’ll never admit that though, which is what makes him so nice to be around. Somehow, he managed to push through whatever happened to John - whatever actually happened, he won’t tell me - and still come out caring about his replacement. That’s the strangest thing to me, he just cares so much. I don’t know if he truly doesn’t think that it’s my fault or if he just doesn’t want to see me beat myself up over it, but he insists that it’s all fine. It’s so sweet, but he doesn’t understand.

All of the people from my timeline, the doomed timeline, saw so much death that we can’t do much about it anymore. It’s just inevitable, we expect death at every turn. None of us could stop it, we all felt bad about it, but there were very few times where it hit home. The first few were hard, of course, especially our guardians’, but even grieving for them got pushed aside. No, the only times you really felt horrible were when you knew that you were the direct cause. It seemed like one of the trolls was always overwhelmed. Davesprite would break down sometimes and just hug me, crying dry tears and telling me how sorry he was. It’s hitting me now, I know why he did that and I hate myself for not understanding it before. When you look at what is left of something that you couldn’t save, you feel terrible. It’s more than just that though because I was the cause of it all too. If I hadn’t told my Dave to play the game, we’d be video chatting every night. I wish we could do that now, but we can’t anymore. My Dave is dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is with a sincere apology that I'm telling you this, but I will not be continuing this fic. I just don't have the will to finish it at this point. I hope that you will be able to forgive me for dropping them. Though I never intended to, I've moved on from the Homestuck fandom. If you want to, you are welcome to create related works and carry the story on. I'd love to see someone write more of this.


End file.
